Legendarily bad movies

[dslartoo]

So datalopez has a taste for extremely bad movies -- that is, movies that are so bad they make your teeth hurt. For the past couple of months Netflix has been sending her cheesy 80s sci-fi/fantasy films and we've been viewing questionable entertainment like "Krull", "Conan the Barbarian", "Dragonslayer" and other such trash. This weekend, though, we were treated to a pair of films that were so incredibly bad that they inverted and came out the other end to be utterly fantastic.

The movies in question starred Lou Ferrigno in his turn at playing Hercules: "Hercules" and its sequel "The Adventures of Hercules". Produced by the legendary (in bad movie circles) Golan/Globus team over at the Cannon Group, these films are just.....they.....I can't find the words. The acting is terrible, the effects are cheesy, and the stories are just something out of the fevered dreams of a drug addict.

WITNESS!

-- The bemuscled Lou Ferrigno (who, admittedly, LOOKS fantastic as Hercules) struggling valiantly to change facial expression even once!

-- Hercules throwing a bear into space! (Yes, I said INTO SPACE. This is how we got Ursa Major, didn't you know?).

-- Women in amazingly skimpy outfits! (This is, of course, a good thing for us red-blooded males).

-- Robot dragons and centaurs! That shoot lasers!

-- A chariot soaring through space!

-- "Amazon" fighters who are clearly men with not even an ATTEMPT to make them look realistically female!

-- The legend of the universe being created by Pandora's urn!........Wait, what?

-- Recycled footage from 1933's King Kong rotoscoped with neon animation! For that matter, recycled footage from the first movie reused in the second one!

-- Myths and legends that bear no relation whatsoever to their original tellings! (Daedalus as a female God, Tartarus as a trident-wielding knight in a forest of spirits, King Minos as a madman obsessed with pure science and reason, Clotho and Lachesis as fairies ("The Little People") instead of the Fates, the Hydra turned into a robot, and oh so much more).

-- Trippy spacelike arcadey sound effects and visual effects!

-- Dialogue so bad that when a single line is actually thought-provoking and interesting, it shocks you out of a daze!

I cannot recommend these movies highly enough. They're available from Netflix, or on a single DVD from Amazon that you can get used for about three bucks. These are the best bad movies that I've seen in a long time.

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[[The Oracle would like to know your favorite bad movie or movie series.]]

Comments

[arkhamrefugee.livejournal.com]

Ask her about Zardoz. I dare ya.

[9thmoon.livejournal.com]

*grin*

[dslartoo.livejournal.com]

Oh man, thanks for the reminder. That one should be on the list too.

(In the queue upcoming, for example, are "Big Trouble in Little China", "They Live", "Ice Pirates" and similar ilk. I'm trying to locate a copy of "Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn" but Netflix doesn't have that one for rental).

cheers,
Phil

[mpceccato.livejournal.com]

Metalstorm is the reason Richard Moll shaved his head for nine years. He had finished the film when he auditioned for "Night Court". The producers liked the look so much, he was asked to keep it.

For some odd reason, Universal hasn't released this one on DVD yet. Especially considering that they've come to terms with Howard The Duck, which got a pretty good (for what it is) treatement not too long ago.

[dslartoo.livejournal.com]

I wondered if you might know something I didn't about this. Looks like TWO things. Thanks for the word! I'll go on trying to locate a live torrent file for a downloadable version. :)

cheers,
Phil

[fairgoldberry.livejournal.com]

You're going to watch Zardoz?

On purpose?

Drink heavily. You'll be glad you did, because even if it doesn't make it any better, it'll increase your chances of forgetting the movie. I saw it sober. I still twitch occasionally.

Much love,
Rowan

[dslartoo.livejournal.com]

I sat through "Manos: The Hands of Fate". After that I think I can deal with ANYthing. :)

cheers,
Phil

[fairgoldberry.livejournal.com]

I will not spoil anything for you. I will simply say, as someone who's seen both, "We shall revisit this conversation when you've seen it."

Much love,
Rowan

[mpceccato.livejournal.com]

"I saw it sober. I still twitch occasionally."

I know the feeling.